Our Blood Is Love
This week especially, makes me think about the power of love. For my family, it's the most powerful element that binds us together. Our three children are all adopted, and we are a transracial family. Genetically, my husband and I have no blood connection to our children, however, my two boys are genetically "blood" brothers.
Because of what binds us together, my husband and I have become very intentional in the ways that we try and express our love to our children. We have discovered three keys that help us and help our children feel loved and included, because of our outwardly physical differences and because of the primary ethereal element that ties our family together. Let me preface, these "discoveries" have not just materialized out of thin air. Through adoptive counseling, foster MAPP training, an Adoption Support Alliance (ASA) book club, talking with other adoptive parents, and reading, we have landed on these three keys that seem to unlock the closed doors that are real to us and that we must walk through together as a family.
The first, is that we are working hard to embrace and not deny, that yes, we do look different. My daughter recently told me that she had fun on a school field trip I helped chaperone, but that all of the friends in her group were "pink," and that she is not "pink." My response (after my stomach fell) was that yes, she is right. But they are her friends, and inside we are all just the same. And that I'm her "pink" mommy, and she is my daughter and that "I will never leave you and I love you." The last part of my response actually came from a book club evening with the ASA. Those words "I will never leave you" I learned, can never be said enough, so whenever the opportunity gently presents itself, we speak them.
The second key we've discovered is keeping a connection with our children's culture and heritage. The importance and power of this key was emphasized to us through our foster MAPP Training. We work hard to keep a continual connection with our daughter's roots in Greensboro, NC through consistent visits 2-3 times a year, to Greensboro, NC and spending time with the family that found our daughter for us. For our boys, we have bi-monthly visits with their maternal grandmother and four half-siblings. We just met last weekend and had a really special picnic and kite flying outing together. Their grandmother has now "adopted" our daughter as her granddaughter, and the kids all had an amazing time. For my husband and I, it is an invaluable relationship and a new branch on our family tree.
Our final key, is seeking out and spending time with families and children that look like our family. We want our children to see that they are not alone. This coming weekend, we are attending an ASA playdate gathering at a local park - we can't wait! A couple of weekends ago, we had a BBQ supper with another adoptive family whose child was adopted from Ethiopia. The kids had so much fun together, and I loved that my daughter got to see another "pink" Mama in action. Last summer we spent a week at the beach with our Greensboro transracial family friends that connected us to our daughter. It was awesome, and we have decided to all go again this coming summer. Our hope is that all of our children will see that yes, there are other families like ours out there, and they are bound by love too.
We will always be looking for new keys to help us unlock the many doors on our transracial journey that lie ahead. We seek these out through organizations like ASA, community building and connections to other "alike-looking" and like-minded families and friends.
Our blood is Love, and every day is an opportunity for us to help it grow.
Adoption Support Alliance is hosting a class on Race, Culture and Adoption on March 11, 2017 from 1 to 3 pm. If your family is a transracial one or if you are considering a transracial adoption, we'd love for you to join us. Register here.
