Not Perfect, But Getting Better
I would love to say that I am a great parent. I would also love to tell you that I am ALWAYS a great parent. I would really love to look you in the eye and tell you that this whole parenting thing is pretty easy. All you need to do is follow these steps…
But that’s not the truth and never will be. My oldest children are now thirteen. They are going to remember my mistakes and my missteps in ways that they don’t remember all the things I did wrong when they were two.
It makes me anxious, terribly, terribly anxious.
I have a dear friend that told me once, “It’s not a question of IF my kids are going to need counseling. It’s only a matter of WHEN”. That sure put things in perspective for me.
I am going to screw up. I will forget important things, like signing reading logs (my poor baby got a yellow at school and had to walk the ‘thinking path’ because I forgot the ever important initialing of the reading log!) or asking about the math test that was so important. I will get frustrated by things that really aren’t that big of a deal. I will lose my temper. I will expect too much some days and place burdens on them that are unfair. And I will expect too little of them other days and squelch their independence and freedom.
I will fail. I will fail my biological kids. I will fail my adopted kids. I will fail my boys. I will fail my girls. There will be days when I feel like the worst parent in the world. But I have to remember that it’s not about how well I perform, but how well I love.
I have come to a place where I am okay with never attaining perfection as a parent. But maybe, just maybe, I’ll be a better parent today than I was yesterday. And I will grow and learn, just as my kids are growing and learning. And in the end, they will remember more of the things that I did correctly and less of the things I did incorrectly. The more grace I have with myself, the more grace I am able to extend to them. Living in a home that is marked by grace and forgiveness? Now that sounds like an okay place to be. It won’t be a perfect home, but it will be our home and it will be better with time.
But I’m still saving a little extra money for those counseling sessions…
